So... I Moved Across the Country!

I'm not sure where to even start with this one. There's so much to cover because, yes, I MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY!

If you're reading this and trying to process that correctly, well, me too.

I guess to better inform you all, I should probably tell you where exactly I'm at.

*cue dramatic drum roll*

THE FREAKING D E S E R T!

If you guessed Arizona, then yes yes yes, you my friend are correct.

ARIZONA -- let's all take a moment of confuzzlement to process. I promise it won't set in haha. I have been here for a couple weeks and well... it's no New York City that's for sure.

This is an extremely big jump and an insane adjustment for me.

For starters, I got here and I kid you not, three days later I had a fever and a throat infection and boy was I freaking out. However, let's back track and get you all caught up on how exactly this all happened.

If my memory serves me right, last time I posted on here, I mentioned I was writing to you all while visiting my best friend in Arizona. Well, to say the least, I absolutely loved it. Did I think I'd end up living here after that? Absolutely not. Did I entertain the idea? I sure did. After my trip, my friends send me a couple of job postings but I just said no to them because- I mean- aside from the Grand Canyon, what the heck is in Arizona? Not even that. It just felt so unrealistic to me. There was no way I was gonna move across the country. My whole life is.. well was HAHA... in New York City.

By the time December rolled around, my friend randomly sent me a posting and after two days of working on my resume and cover letter and crying my eyes out, I applied for the job. Two weeks later, on January 1st, 2023, I opened my email to an email about an interview that took place on January 5th. Needless to say I was shitting bricks but I think that may have been the best interview I've ever done. On February 3rd, I got a call saying I got the job, on March 4th, I signed my offer letter and on April 29th, 2023, I got on a plane and left everything I've ever known on the East Coast and made my way down to the Southwest.

MAKING THE DECISION TO MOVE

None of this was easy by any means. As soon as I got the call saying I got the job, I went home and told my family and then I told my closest friends and well, I got a lot of mixed reviews and to be quite honest, I was very disappointed by reactions and regretted telling people instantly. Personally, I'm someone who supports people taking a huge leap of faith and experiencing life and traveling and I always push for it; so when I didn't get that same response, I was truly hurt, shocked, and it really affected my decision a lot. I won't go into detail about that because it's really not something I want to think about, but it really sucked. Something I should have felt so excited and happy about turned into something that was shredding me to pieces. Truth be told, I didn't think I'd go through with it. My friend Emmanuel got on the phone with me and honestly smacked some sense into me and legit threw all my words of wisdom (LOL) right back at me... and well shit man, he got me there. How can I sit around and push others to travel and move around and experience life and not do it myself? Hypocrisy am I right?

A week after that exact conversation, I signed my official offer letter and kept going with the flow. I stopped listening to what everyone had to say and took everything one thing at a time. To be honest, I spent March avoiding thinking about moving. I was just there like yeah, whatever. Nothing felt real. Once April hit, I made sure to focus on packing and spending as much time with family as I could. Every chance I could get, I was with them.

LEAVING MY JOB

Quitting my job was single handedly the easiest and hardest thing ever. I had given my notice two months in advance and finding my replacement was D I F F I C U L T. I already knew it was going to be hard, and quite frankly, I don't blame people for not accepting or moving forward with the job, but it made us (me and my coworker and my boss) very nervous knowing that I was leaving so soon and still hadn't found someone to take over for me. Literally, we found my replacement one week prior to me leaving the state. Imagine that, three years of knowledge being taught in one week. It's a lot. I had a very big job and it wasn't easy at all to learn, but I did it and was confident that with time, the newest addition would get the hang of it.

I know a lot of people in my personal life had a lot of opinions on why I cared so much about helping them find a replacement and training and all that, and I get it. I didn't do it for my boss. Cause to be quite frank, regardless of where I work, I'm aware that because I'm leaving it's not my responsibility to onboard or train a new person. I did it for my coworker and because although it wasn't my favorite job ever, I worked my ass off and it was HARD and I wanted whoever came after me to understand and grasp the role as best as they could before I left. A two-person team doing all that we did? Even saying it's a lot is an understatement. The fact that I needed to even defend myself for even caring was so dumb to me, but that's in the past. I just hope that everything is working smoothly for them. I wish them nothing but the best.

MOVING TO ARIZONA

I'll just say it again, moving here was not easy at all. Saying by to my family was not easy at all. Saying bye to my parents and my twin brother WAS NOT EASY AT ALL. It was extremely difficult. I don't have a perfect family and I have been through so much with and because of them, but I love my family with everything in me.

The minute the plane took off and I saw New York City from the air, I cried. And not like full on sobbed, just shed some tears before spending the rest of the flight reading, watching Harry Potter and dealing with a raging headache. I was dying to get off the plane and boy did the excitement set in the moment I landed.

Seeing Val and Joe and their doggies, Luna and Dakota -- I love them. We all kept just looking at each other like this isn't real. And it still doesn't feel real. I keep having moments where I'm thinking "okay what do I do next?" and I'm just like, well what the hell is the rush? I have all the time in the world now. I N S A N E.

Truly, I can't get over it. I'm so proud of myself for moving forward with this and according to my cousins, being brave enough to get on a plane and move across the freaking country. Holy macaroni. WOW. Haha (obviously I'm still in shock lol).

Okay, back to the story.

Now, me being the person I am, nothing ever goes according to plan. Within my first week, I moved into my apartment, went to the DMV (that is apparently the MVD in Arizona O_o), and then, OF COURSE, ended up with a fever and severe throat infection.

*insert melting emoji*

My parents, bless their souls, overnighted my baby ass medicine that one, tasted amazing, and two, was the absolute CURE. My biggest concern was that I was going to a concert that weekend and needed to be good -- not that I was basically dying or whatever-- but that I needed to NOT be dying to fully enjoy the Feid Concert (ferrrchopa - Val has infultrated). But I did make it, had a shit ton of fun, bought merch, and got in possibly the scariest Uber of my life but made it out alive :)

My second week in Arizona I spent getting ready for my first day at my NEW job (haha) and just trying to get used to the fact that I am now living in the freaking desert.

It's so crazy how life throws the most unexpected things at you. I remember thinking about what Arizona would be like just because of the Hockey team here, then Val telling me she was moving here, and falling in love with the unrealistic scenery-- even though it's very much real-- and now I live here. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd ever move to Arizona. Florida? Sure. California? Even that one made more sense. But man, it's great here and y'all it is HOT. Granted it's dry heat so way better than the nasty humidity of New York, but its freaking HOT. The sun beams down on you and theres no shade. Right now, I'm enjoying it, but I know that in a couple of weeks or by the time this post has gone up, I'll be running for the hills and hiding from the sun or flinging myself in the pool.

BEING ON MY OWN

My greatest fear is adulting and the time has finally come to do that full force. Before yeah I had my own bills but having to pay your own rent and fully providing for yourself on your own and having no one but yourself to rely on is a freaking whirlwind.

I won't lie, it's causing me great anxiety and yes there is a lot I have to do and think about and research within the next couple of months, but thats also something I know I need to take one day at a time. I don't want to stress myself out so much when I literally just got here a couple weeks ago, but it also feels like so much time is passing so fast that I need to get on it. Everything is still so up in the air. It's overwhelming.

I have nowhere and no one to run to. I have to take full accountability and confront my own actions -- not that I wasn't before, but now its way more real than ever before. Processing all of these emotions and feelings - it's a massive adjustment.

"REINVENTING" MYSELF

My entire life, I've lacked a lot of confidence in my personal and work life. I don't think that's a secret at all. Anyone who knows me known just how insecure I am. It's weird. In terms of work, I know I'm a great worker. I know I can do anything I put my mind to and I am always willing to learn something new. But I am human, and although I know I am capable and good at what I do, imposter syndrome is still very much real. I second guess myself a lot and I have a ton of inner battles with myself and at times struggle with following my intuition. Appearance wise, I never cared what others had to say about me. Yes, some things do bother me, but I have always self - sabotaged or self-depreciated and it's got to stop.

Saying that I am trying to "reinvent" myself sounds so freaking cheesy, but something I really want to work on is becoming more confident in every aspect of life. Feeling good about myself, fixing my relationship with food, not being too hard on myself, recognizing my work and my ability to handle a lot of situations without externally freaking (as I have a mental breakdown lol). There's just so much I want to work on and I already have been and I honestly just feel so much better. I'm journaling more, making sure that I have some kind of self-care routine, having fun, taking care of my health as much as I can, and just being in the moment.

WHAT'S TO COME

Obviously with this move will come growth and just learning more about myself and what I'm capable of. I'm aware that this is the craziest thing I have ever done in my life and it is a huge change and adjustment. I'm going to meet so many new people and create a life of my own in an entirely new setting. I know that I am about to (or I guess currently am) embark on a new journey and although it absolutely terrifies me, I'm also extremely excited to see what happens from here. And I will for sure do my best to keep you guys updated! I love sharing my experiences with you guys and want nothing more but then to continue to do so.

In the meantime, stay on the lookout for any other new posts, cause there will be more ;)

PSA:

Shoutout to Val and Joe for just being the most amazing and wonderful human beings and for helping me through this entire process from start to finish. Guys, thank you so much for the incredible support and PATIENCE you both have had with me. There will never be enough thank you's in the world for what y'all have done and still continue to do for me. Love you guys <3

xx

jai