Arizona Recap

April 2023

This was the day I officially woke up, said goodbye to my home in New York City, and started my new life in Arizona.

I remember how bittersweet it felt looking at my room knowing that was the last time I would be living there. Knowing that the next time I'd sleep in my bed, was whenever I decided to fly back and visit. Knowing that my room, although it'll always be mine, was also no longer mine.

The drive to the airport couldn't be any slower. My heart was coming out my chest and I didn't know how I was going to react saying bye to my parents and my brothers. It was all very strange. I felt emotional but it wasn't until the plane took off that I actually shed a tear.

New York will always be my home, but I was ready for something new.

May 2023

My first day at my job was a strange one. My boss had told me to get there at 8am, but I got there at 7:30am wanting to be early enough to find my way. Little did I know, I'd find my way quickly and waited for two hours before she showed up. My start date was a bit unusual considering it took me two months to actually move over to Arizona and start work, but I didn't think it was enough for my boss to forget my start date considering I was in communication with her the entire time.

Looking back, I just laugh because of course that would happen.

I was so excited for this new opportunity, not knowing everything it'd bring me, how much I'd learn, and how I feel about it now that I've been there for two years.

June 2023

The last time I wrote a blog was when I announced I had packed my shit up and moved across the country. I had so many ideas for what was to come next for this site. I had gone to California for the first time ever with my best friend. I went to concerts. I was learning how to get around and doing things on my own. There was so much I wanted to share, but I couldn't get myself to write.

I tried to film some videos on TikTok at the end of 2024, which I thoroughly enjoyed doing, and like the blog, I just stopped.

When people asked me why I stopped posting, I simply responded, "I don't know." I made so many excuses. Maybe it was pure laziness. Maybe I just didn't have the desire to do this anymore. But I don't owe anyone an explanation.

A lot has happened, a lot has changed, and dealing with the emotions of all of that was not easy. It really wasn't till now that I feel like I can share again - in moderation.

July 2023

I signed a lease and picked up the keys to my very first solo apartment.

Excited was an understatement.

All I ever wanted was my own home, my own space, my own sanctuary. I loved being by myself. I loved going home knowing it was just me, I could do whatever I wanted, make a whole bunch of girl dinners (and do my best to keep it healthy), and just be my own company. And I finally got that and I did it on my own.

I'm extremely proud of that. No one can ever take this chapter away from me.

December 2023

The first time I went back home.

Being back in New York after eight months in the desert was the weirdest feeling ever. I was moving as if no time had passed. I was walking around like nothing. It felt so normal but so un-normal to be there, doing everything I would normally do if I was still living there.

I remember feeling scared that I'd have this overwhelming feeling of doubt and regret and that I'd want to move back...but I didn't. I was so happy to see my family and friends again, but I was also dying to get back to my real life in Arizona.

2024

Last year, although started out great, was a hard year for me.

It started it out with fun trips to flagstaff, hockey games, basketball games, new exciting projects at work, concerts, celebrations, and so many plans for the months ahead. My twin brother came to visit me for the second time for our 27th birthday, I went to San Francisco, two of my close friends came to visit and we went to Sedona and had a girls night. I got to see my friend graduate with her masters, move back home and accept all these amazing opportunities.

I was having an absolute blast. And then I got hurt.

I had sprained my knee back in December, which recovered quickly as it was only a minor sprain, but I didn't know it'd be the start to a list of injuries that have left me feeling quite helpless, anxious, and defeated. It also seemed like every time I was finally moving again something else would happen bringing me right back to square one.

I won't get into the details cause honestly thinking so hard on it will just make me sad, but know that it has taken a mental toll on me and I'm doing what I can to get stronger and keep moving forward.

However, being injured didn't stop me from going to Mexico and after thinking I wasn't going to be able to, flying back to New York for the first time in ten months and then again for Christmas. Walking and doing anything physically demanding was a lot, but I pushed through. I still went to football games, food festivals and just made sure to go at my own pace. My boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary, spent thanksgiving together with his family, went to Tucson and still - through all the injuries- had him there to make sure I was having fun.

2025

The last nine months, just like the last two and a half years, have been a whirlwind. While I am at an official injury count of 11, I still made the most of it.

I started filming content for TikTok (as per my boyfriend's request cause he is a strong believer that I have something to provide people with) and then stopped because apparently I'm good at doing that (lol). Although sometimes I think about doing it again cause I was having a lot of fun doing it. (Follow me @jaaai.marie to see if I do ;) )

I dyed my hair which I honestly think I needed. Doesn't seem like a big deal but it was. I also started wearing my hair natural and although I prefer and feel more confident while my hair is blown out, I feel like I can give it a break, wear it natural, and not feel that ugly feeling I always used to get. Another goal - love and accept my natural hair. I'd say I can check that off. I don't owe it to anyone to wear it naturally everyday. I owe it to myself to look and feel good regardless if it's blown out or not - so to everyone constantly ridiculing me for it, mind your business.

I started my fitness journey (a couple of times due to injuries) and have lost the weight that had me feeling so down about myself. And the goal is to continue as soon as my current injury (yes another one) subsides. I even did three 5K's this year - THREE! Can you believe that? I sure can't. But I did that.

I've travelled to San Diego, New York, and Texas so far and have had family visit me during that time as well. I feel like I really can't complain.

While being in Arizona, I've been able to travel to places I've never been, meet new people, learn to love myself and others - I've grown in ways that really you don't think about until you actually start to reflect. I even started going to therapy again.

Two and a half years have gone by and although there are times where I find myself missing some aspects of living in New York, I have loved absolutely everything that Arizona has given me thus far - except for the injuries. That needs to stop already it's driving me crazy. Haha.

Anyways, that's what the last few years have looked like for me. I think it's safe to say I've truly settled in and really the final step in this is getting a car and starting to drive. I've got so much time ahead of me to do just that and I'm excited, and a little nervous, to see what the future has in store for me.

I'll do my best to keep you posted.

Bye for now!

xx

Jai