Feeling Stuck ...

It kind of feels like suffocating. Drowning even. Like I’m trapped in a pool of water and I can’t get out. Like when you’re screaming for help, but no one can hear you.

In my first post on this site, I touched up on what it’s like feeling like things aren’t what they seem and eventually, as the title says, our time will come. I guess in way, that’s a more positive outlook. A string of hope that you’re latching onto.

Except, everyday, the one thing that overrides that feeling of hope, is the overwhelming sensation that things won’t get any better. As if everything you’ve worked for has obliterated into nothingness.

Quite often, I think about my future, what I’ve done to get there, and if I ever really did anything at all. I find myself scrolling through LinkedIn and seeing all the amazing things my peers are currently doing/have done and it makes me question, did I really do everything in my power to get to where I want to be? Is this why I’m nowhere near that point?

We always say to think positive, but how do we keep that state of mind when we’re desperate for something to finally happen? Waiting on a sign from the universe that things are moving along swiftly and we have absolutely nothing to worry about.

I am sick and tired of people constantly tell us to be patient. Imagine how you’d feel if you weren’t anywhere near where you thought you were gonna be. Being patient is so much easier said than done. Of course we have to be patient. We are all well aware of that. But how much can we take before reaching the boiling point?

Imagine being constantly ridiculed or mocked by the people you call your family for not being anywhere near where you thought you’d be. For not holding a stable and well paying job. For not working in the field you had spent so many years studying to be in.

Imagine having that anxiety taking over every part of your being. Waking up one day and feeling more anxious for the next.

I am T I R E D.

Every now and then, and more often than ever before, I find myself just thinking “what the hell am I even doing with my life?”

Truth is none of us know what the fuck we’re doing. And we don’t know what’s to come. It’s a terrifying thought. It’s something we all struggle with. All we can really do is hold on to hope and pray for the best.