LIFE UPDATE

Like any other human on this planet, life tends to catch up with us and we just lose track of time and don't even know what's going on anymore. Well, that's what the last couple of weeks have been like for me. They went by so incredibly fast and my mind is still trying to process it all.

Let me just start by saying, although I have never felt this alive and happy, I am completely exhausted. I have tumbled through a wave of emotions and I think my brain has finally crashed from the incredible high and reality is kind of just knocking me over like a ton of bricks.

Guys, I even forgot that this blog was a thing and I was supposed to have something up, but so much has happened that I'm like you know what? I'll just take a week off to breath, process, and sleep (haha) before getting down to it again.

So here's a bit of an update on what's actually been going on.

THERAPY

First off, I went to freaking London. As in LONDON, ENGLAND!! Like what?! I can't even process it. But before the longest flight of my life took place, I had therapy. Do I remember what I told my therapist? Absolutely not. My brain is utterly fried. However, I'm really happy with how it's going. I feel like it's more of a ranting session for me rather than ground breaking, but everyone is different and we all do things at our own paces. I appreciate that no one is rushing me to get things out and work on myself quickly. Being someone who is always go go go, I think pacing yourself with something like this is super important, so I appreciate the times when I can finally slow down, rewind, and reflect and talk everything through. How I feel about something, how I reacted to it, etc. Anyways, therapy is going great and I'm really happy I went through with it.

TRAVELING

Now back to the fact that I travelled across the pond to literally my dream destination. I can't believe any of it happened. Honestly, it was all so surreal. I kept having to step back and just take it all in. The fact that I was actually in London, England is the most insane thing to think about. I felt like I had all the time in the world but not enough time to get everything done. And of course, there will be an entire blog about my trip- maybe even two. Who knows? I have a lot to say about it. I literally cannot wait to share this entire experience with you guys!

EXHAUSTION

Speaking of being tired and traveling, I am completely burnt out. I don't think it's jetlag that hit me cause I actually did very well with the time difference, it's more so that since getting back, and even before leaving, I was just on the move and I haven't had a break since. The 12th was my mom's birthday and I felt awful. I was so tired that I was basically falling asleep at the restaurant we went to. I fought off sleep so hard that night it's crazy. To put the cherry on top, I barely slept throughout the weekend and that Sunday I had a baby shower to attend. By the time I got home, my body hurt from head to toe and I passed out.

SELF-DOUBT

When I started this blog, I promised myself to be as transparent as possible without exposing too much, but after my trip, I've just been facing an incredible amount of self-doubt. It's weird. I have a lot of mixed emotions. Leaving and seeing everything I saw definitely put things into perspective for me and left me desiring more and feeling motivated, but it's also dragged me down. I keeping thinking to myself if I'm ever going to move forward. I look at job listings and I question my ability to do a lot of what they're asking from them. Can I actually do this? Sure. But can I actually reach their expectations? I have no clue. I keep holding back because I just don't know what I am capable of anymore and it's tearing me down. Eventually I'm going to sit down and get down to it and apply for all these jobs, but in this very moment, I can't help but feeling like I'm not good enough.

CAREER APTITUDE TESTS

I've even gone as far as taking career and personality tests. Call it silly, but I feel so lost and I really don't know how to bounce back from that feeling. I feel stuck. In a way, I'm keeping myself in this position by not doing much to change that, but I'm also struggling to find that part of me who can perform as well as I used to. I had to take a break from applying to jobs cause it's something that definitely takes a mental toll on us and quite frankly, I was going crazy. Staring at job sites all day and applying to whatever you can find is not fun at all. With the career aptitude test, I was hoping that it could pinpoint some positions I could look for but this was an epic fail. Will I take another test? Probably.

ANXIETY

With the holidays coming up, I'm a little more on edge than usual. Unlike everyone else, this isn't my favorite time ever. Although I think December can be a beautiful month, it's also one that fills me with so much anxiety and puts me in the darkest hole. If I could skip over it, I would but unfortunately, that isn't possible. I'm just treading along and hoping for the absolute best outcome.

READING

The one thing that hasn't really changed is the fact that I'm still reading a lot. Currently, I'm reading The Fine Print by Lauren Asher and WOW. I'm so excited to finish this book and reading some of her other stuff. Guys, my TBR list is getting much longer and I'm not sure how much more I can get through. My bookshelf is completely stuffed. I have books stacked on the floor and I can barely see my desk anymore... yes I know this is an issue and I should probably stop buying books until I have the space to do so but that's not happening. I will figure something out. I'm supposed to be going on a book shopping date with my friend and man oh man my pockets are already screeching. I'm so excited, can't wait!

THE BLOG

As I mentioned earlier, I forgot about the blog for about two weeks, but I'm staying as consistent as I possibly can. A lot has been going on but that just means more things to tell you guys about. Thinking of things to write about can really be challenging but I'm excited for what's to come and I hope you all are too. This is all still new to me and such and exciting learning experience and I can't wait to publish everything I have for you all.

Although this may not seem like a lot, it's just tiny summaries to a much bigger picture. Life has been hectic to say the least and I need to put my mental health first and make sure that, again, I am pacing myself. And I hope you all are doing the same too. We're all human beings and unlike robots, we tire out. Please get some rest in!

Love you all <3

Best,

Jai :)